


Take Me Back

by Aintfraidanoghosts



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Break Up, Established Relationship, F/M, Forgiveness, The Doctor is an Idiot and Everyone Knows It
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-27
Updated: 2020-09-18
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:48:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22925167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aintfraidanoghosts/pseuds/Aintfraidanoghosts
Summary: After a terrifying near-miss, the Doctor sends Rose back home to Jackie. It doesn’t take long for him to realize he was a complete idiot... but will Rose let him in again?
Relationships: Tenth Doctor/Rose Tyler
Comments: 44
Kudos: 84





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Elialys](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elialys/gifts).



> For the beautiful, incredibly talented, and amazing Elialys on the eve of her 16th(ish) Birthday! 😜 I tried to incorporate the angst she seems to love so much, hopefully it meets with her approval!
> 
> I will update this as often as I can, I have vowed to get all the birthday fics posted so I can work on something new and get the older WIPs moving!
> 
> TenRoseForeverandEver... I have no words for this lady! Her awesomeness is unparalleled!

Fear unlike anything he’d known before gripped at the Doctor’s hearts as he watched the demented Korubaxian overlord press a shining blade firmly against Rose’s throat. 

“I’ll do it, Doctor,” Groger spat out. “I will kill her if you come any closer. I _will_ bring nuclear devastation to this planet and there is nothing you can do to stop me!”

The Doctor fixed the creature with his fiercest, most Oncoming-Stormiest stare. It was very nearly the last weapon left in his arsenal. He had already lost the sonic in a struggle with the guards (not that the sonic was actually a weapon, per se, but they didn’t need to know that,) and now, all he had to work with (along with the Stare™) was his frankly superior brainy-brain..

A brainy-brain that currently wasn’t working at full capacity with the distraction of a completely mental megalomaniac holding a knife to Rose’s jugular.

“If I let you continue with this nuclear devastation...” he began slowly, “...you will let Rose go? You will let us leave this planet?”

“I will,” he sneered.

“Doctor, are you mad?” Rose protested, struggling a bit against her captor. (Not much use, given that he was a 7 foot tall alien with four arms, two of which were covered in suckers.) “You have to stop him! You can’t let him kill all those people!”

“You will give her back to me,” the Doctor told the creature in deliberate, measured tones. “I will take her to our ship and we will leave. You can do what you want from there. I won’t stop you. Agreed?”

The slimy alien smirked. “Wise choice, Doctor.”

“WHAT?” Rose exclaimed in disbelief. “Oh, no you don’t!” 

Before the Doctor’s (very distracted) brain could catch up with Rose’s movements, she had elbowed her captor right in the spot that most closely approximated his solar plexus. He doubled over, moaning, and the Doctor noticed the creature’s grip loosening slightly. Rose took full advantage of the extra range of motion she was allowed and brought her foot down hard on his instep. Not giving him time to recover, his brilliant companion then stretched as high as she could go and drove her fist straight up into Groger’s great alien snout. The Doctor felt a great deal of pride and satisfaction amid his terror as a sickening crunch momentarily drowned out the creature’s howls. He watched, awestruck, as Rose then continued her attack, her face scrunched in determination as she smashed her fist downwards and made a direct connection to Groger’s groin. All six eyes wide with shock, he toppled over with a thud, the knife falling from his grip and clattering across the floor.

The Doctor gaped at her. “Where on Earth did you learn that?”

“It _was_ on Earth, in fact,” Rose beamed. “Self-defense class. SING: Solar plexus, instep, nose, groin. Works on humans. What? No use standin’ around starin’ at me!” She reached into her back pocket and pulled out his sonic, tossing it to him. “Come on, while he’s down!”

“ _How_ did you get the sonic back?”

“No time to explain!” she called back to him. “Hop to it!!”

The Doctor swung into high gear and disassembled the nearby nuclear reactor. Groger had been planning to use said device to nuke the planet and then collect on the insurance. He worked feverishly while Rose deftly tied the alien’s limbs together and pushed the nagging voice from his mind that kept reminding him that he had been willing to let an entire planet and species burn in order to protect Rose Tyler.

He could not allow it to happen again.

******

After leaving Groger to the planet’s proper authorities, the Doctor and Rose made their way back to the TARDIS. He walked silently the entire trip, the tense set of his jaw just this side of painful. He could sense Rose’s concerned gaze on his back as he strode several steps ahead of her, his hands stuffed deliberately into his pockets so she couldn’t reach out and lace their fingers together in the familiar, comforting gesture that normally felt as easy as breathing. 

Once he had opened the blue doors, he thrust his coat over the railing with a growl, and swept to the console, going through the motions of setting the oh-so familiar coordinates. Before he pushed the button to dematerialize, he schooled himself into a blank, emotionless expression and looked up at Rose.

“You need to go pack.”

Rose furrowed her brow at him in concern. “Why would I need to do that? Am I going somewhere?”

He dropped his eyes from hers, unable to bring himself to look at her as he spoke his next words: “I’m taking you home. To your mother. Where you belong.” He moved mechanically around the console struggling to conjure up even an ounce of his usual enthusiasm. But really, who could blame him?

Rose shook her head as if to clear it. “You aren’t making any sense. Talk to me. Tell me what’s going on.”

“Well, it’s all quite simple, isn’t it?” He turned to face her, finally summoning the courage to meet her apprehensive gaze. He arranged himself, leaning against the console with his hands in his pockets, feet crossed in front of him, the picture of resolute indifference. He could only hope his hearts, thundering beneath his suit jacket, wouldn’t betray him. “You’re a distraction, a liability.”

Rose’s voice trembled, “A liability? You think I’m a liability?” 

“Rose, I nearly sent millions of people to their deaths today because you were in danger. I can’t let that happen again. I have responsibilities, and unfortunately, the universe has to come before the life of one insignificant human from London.”

Rose looked like she had been punched in the stomach, all of the breath rushing out of her at his words, her eyes filling with tears. She grasped onto a coral strut to steady herself. “But... we took care of it! Together. In the end, everything was fine! We were a _team_ , like we always are! We look out for each other _and_ the whole bleedin’ universe, Doctor!” 

He watched as she gathered her emotions, and after a few brief moments, she shoved herself away from the strut, her hands flying to her waist. “Besides, I told you not to! I would never ask you to make that sort of decision!”

“But I did,” he stated, fighting to keep his voice even despite his ire and desperation rising with every word she threw back at him. He turned back to the console so she couldn’t see his crumbling expression. “I couldn‘t even _think_ straight, Rose. All I could think was that you were in danger. I can’t let that distract me again.” 

“And that’s _my_ fault?” Rose snapped. “I’ve been in danger loads of times before, Doctor! You always did what you had to do! How the hell is this time any different?”

“Dammit, Rose!” the Doctor slammed a fist on the console. “We weren’t... you and I... before... we were never... _intimate_ all those times!”

“So now, what? You’re just... breaking up with me? Is that what this is? Because you’re as mad as that alien, Groger, if you think I’m going to let you off that easy! Just _talk to me!_ ”

The Doctor sighed heavily, pressing his forehead into his palms. She wasn’t letting this go. If he was being honest, part of him was thrilled. He didn’t _want_ her to let it go. He wasn’t sure he could stand to watch her walk out that door, but he knew what would be best for them, for the universe. When Rose was with him it was clear , he couldn’t be trusted to make the right choice between her and the greater good. Still, his brilliant, beautiful human was stubborn and the Doctor knew she would never give up on them, not without a fight. He could feel his resolve, paper-thin as it was, beginning to disintegrate. The only way he’d be able to convince her to leave was by doing the very thing he’d vowed to himself never to do.

He had to hurt her. 

He drew in a breath, gathering the last thread of strength left in him and turned slowly back to face her. “I let my hearts hijack my better judgment. _Well_... maybe not my hearts. I don’t want to be crude. Really, though, letting myself get distracted by a little slip of a girl from London? A shopgirl? Me distracted by a bit of skirt? I’m a Time Lord. I’m better than all of this.” 

He could tell immediately that his words had hit the mark. Rose stared at him, her mouth open in shock and yet refusing to break his gaze, despite the tears dripping onto her cheeks. “Well, I guess that’s that then. I’ll just... go pack.”

“Good. We’ll be landing shortly. Don’t forget anything. You won’t be seeing me again after this.”

Back ramrod straight and chin up, Rose turned and strode out of the console room, never looking back. Once he could no longer hear her footsteps, the Doctor let out a long, shaky breath and braced both hands on the console, sheer force of will the only thing keeping him upright.

******

Nearly a half hour later, Rose returned to the console room, her backpack slung across her shoulders and a cardboard box in her hand. She dropped the box on the jump seat where it landed with a dull _thunk_.

“I found all this in my room. It’s yours. Figured you’d want it back.” Her voice was devoid of its usual warmth and spark, and the Doctor willed his arms not to pull her to him and beg her forgiveness. “We there?”

“Yeah, we’ve landed,” he said tonelessly. “Your mum’s probably on her way down. No doubt she heard the engines.”

Rose agreed with a sullen nod. “Guess that’s that then.”

He stuffed his hands into his pockets. “Yeah... suppose so.”

She seemed to war with herself over something, then, mind made up, closed the distance between them slowly. She rested her hands against his chest and reached up to place a gentle kiss on his cheek. The Doctor’s eyes closed involuntarily at the gesture as he fought to keep his control of himself.

“Take care of yourself,” Rose choked out.

“And you,” he said softly.

She nodded and moved over to the door. She placed her hands on the handle, but paused before she pulled it open.

“Please,” she pleaded, her voice small and broken. “Don’t do this. Please.”

The Doctor’s knees buckled. If he hadn’t been leaning against the console, he would have collapsed. His hearts were aching in his chest, he could feel the lump rising in his throat. He was seconds away from breaking.

“You need to leave, Rose,” he managed to croak out. “Just... go.”

Taking a deep, shuddering breath, Rose nodded. She pulled open the door, stepped outside, and pulled the door shut behind her, without looking back.

Before he could change his mind, the Doctor pressed the button and sent his ship careening into the Vortex.

******

Rose was startled, though really not surprised when the TARDIS dematerialized the moment she shut the blue doors behind her. She dropped her heavy rucksack onto the ground, willing herself to keep control. She would not break down in the middle of the Estate. No, she had a perfectly good, private bedroom for that.

“Rose!” Jackie’s call rang from the stairwell.

So much for privacy.

“I thought I heard those bloody engines! Let me look at you... oh, sweetheart, what is he feeding you? Could do with some of your mum’s cooking, eh? But no matter, nothing my shepherd’s pie won’t fix. So, where’ve you been? How’s himself? Couldn’t be bothered to come out and say hello? Practically my son-in-law, he is, can’t even come out for tea, can he? Bloody alien, I’ve half a mind to... ” Jackie trailed off, glancing down at Rose’s backpack. She looked up and took her first proper look at Rose’s undoubtedly blotchy cheeks, swollen nose, and quivering chin.

“Rose,” Jackie grasped her by the shoulders. “What’s wrong? What’s happened? Where’s the Doctor?”

At the sound of his name, Rose couldn’t hold it in any longer. She crumbled and fell, sobbing, into her mother’s comforting embrace.

******

Once the TARDIS was safely drifting in the vortex, the Doctor pushed away from the console, and opened his mouth to speak, but there was no one there to listen, and the words lodged in his throat. The time ship had never felt so empty. 

He decided he needed a distraction. His eyes fell on the cardboard box Rose had left on the jump seat. That would be a good place to start. He picked it up but opted to wander a bit before returning his belongings to their proper places. Before he could make it far into the corridors, he noticed the laundry room had been moved just off the console room and, grateful for the distraction, he poked his head in to see if any of the machines could benefit from some tinkering.

The only thing he saw in the room made his breath catch. Rose’s soft blue jumper was hanging on a drying rack. Some things couldn’t go in the dryer, no matter how high-tech it was, she had lectured him gently with that tongue-touched grin that drove him spare.

The Doctor shook his head, clearing it of the vivid image of her smiling face doing laundry in nothing but her knickers and one of his vests. With a huff, he shut the door firmly behind him and moved on.

He came to the kitchen next, the perfect place to find a distraction, something to tinker with. The toaster could always stand to be a little more sonic. He should have known better. They spent so much time together in the kitchen, should have expected to find something else that would make his hearts ache for Rose. And there it was: her favorite mug, pink-and-brown polka-dot, sitting untouched in the sink, waiting for her to wash it out in preparation for the next cup of tea. He recalled the day she’d found the mug, thrilled that now she had one that could be the feminine parallel to his ever-present pinstripes. 

She’d had Earl Grey with her eggs and toast that very morning. Two sugars and a splash of cream. He’d tasted the sweet, lingering flavor when he’d kissed her against the countertop.

He took a deep, shuddering breath before leaving the kitchen behind.

The Doctor ran through his various half-finished projects and thought about the charging station he was building for his sonic screwdriver. The power supply on the old device wasn’t what it used to be after so many centuries. This way, he could charge it during the ship’s night cycle while he and Rose... 

He shook his head furiously in an attempt to clear it of Rose-related thoughts as he entered what had become _their_ bedroom. She may have taken all of her personal belongings, but there was still an indent on her pillow, and the linens were still mussed from his attempts to draw her out of bed at what he’d decided was the end of her sleep cycle. He remembered her sleepy protests and her giggles as he allowed her to overpower him and pull him right back into bed with her.

He sighed yet again and dragged a hand down his face. The TARDIS was riddled with little reminders of Rose, everywhere. He hoped, rather than expected, that these vivid, happy memories and his visceral reactions to them wouldn’t last much longer.

The Doctor dumped the box Rose had left him onto the bed and began sifting through the contents to put them away. Of course, each item had a memory attached to it. There was his navy jumper, the one she had borrowed so long ago, when he still had short hair and big ears. The TARDIS heating system had been on the fritz, and none of her clothes would fit over her layers anymore, so he had offered one of his jumpers. The smile she had given him was...just _fantastic_ , if he was completely honest with himself, and he’d never had the heart to ask for it back.

And then there was his hunter green Oxford. She had worn it on a run to the galley for tea just a week or so earlier. He placed both shirts in the laundry, hoping that the TARDIS would be able to get rid of the lingering scent of her skin that clung to them.

There was a pair of argyle socks he had loaned her when her feet had been cold and she had sworn the TARDIS was nicking all of her left socks, and a rubber duckie he had left in her bathroom once he realized that her tub was much nicer than his. Each item was like a hot poker in his hearts, but he steadfastly pushed forward.

Soon, his fingers were brushing along familiar pieces of jewelry he had bought for her on various alien planets and asteroid bazaars. (Blimey, he had never meant for her to leave those behind. They were gifts, lovingly bestowed.) He also noticed some photos, slightly grainy as if they were printed off someone’s phone, but they were unmistakably of himself and Rose at various points throughout time and space. They had been _so_ happy, happier than he’d ever been in all of his 900 years, smiling like loons and mooning goofily over one another.

A lump was once again rising in his throat. He swallowed, hard, trying to push it back down and nearly succeeding until he reached a seemingly innocuous scrap of paper napkin, circular doodles all over it.

He remembered the napkin vividly. They had landed somewhere in America during the 1950’s and stopped at a diner for burgers and chips and fantastic ice cream beverages. He had been struck dumb by the sight of her under those ridiculous florescent lights, looking so utterly beautiful as she threw her head back and laughed at something ridiculous he’d said or done. He had felt compelled to compose her a short poem in Gallifreyan, jotting it down on the napkin and reading it to her as they lay in bed later that night. She had been teary-eyed as he’d recited the melodic verses in his native tongue, and had giggled at the less-sophisticated English translation.

And she had kept it. All this time. 

But she didn’t want it anymore.

The Doctor crumpled the napkin in his hand and tossed it in the wastebasket by the bed. 

He had to stop thinking about her, but everywhere he turned, there she was, her presence so ingrained in every corner of his ship that his knees were practically buckling from the sheer force of emotions threatening to overtake him. He stood suddenly and gripped onto his hair, suddenly unable to be in the room that held so many happy memories for them.

He tore his suit jacket off, grabbed the rubber ducky, and made his way to his old, rarely-used bathroom. He and Rose had taken to sharing her much nicer one, and by using his, he knew he wouldn’t be haunted by the scent of her shampoo or taunted with images of them making love in the spacious shower stall. It was one place he was quite certain there would be no lingering reminders of her presence.

The Doctor tossed the duck into the sink and stripped out of his clothes, turning the water in the shower on as high as he could stand it. The room immediately filled with thick clouds of steam as he stepped under the spray. He scrubbed and scrubbed, as if trying to wash away the memory of her from his skin. 

He stayed under the water for nearly twenty minutes. When he emerged, towel wrapped around his waist and skin rubbed a nice, shiny pink, he immediately opened the door to let out some of the billowing steam that had built in the room. He turned to face the mirror and cried out in despair. The mirror was almost completely fogged over, except where it formed the words _Surprise! I love you!_ followed by a silly happy face.

The Doctor had to grip the edge of the counter for support. When had Rose snuck in to do this? It didn’t matter. She knew he didn’t use the room very much, so she knew he wouldn’t ever expect it. It would have made him smile... on any day before this one.

He had managed to hold his emotions together for all of half an hour. Frankly, he was quite impressed that he’d managed for as long as that.

 _Suppose now’s as good a time as any to break down,_ he thought to himself.

He slid to the floor, put his head in his hands, and wept.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks to TenRoseForeverandEver for helping me not hate every single thing I’ve ever written and stopped me from banging my head against the wall in frustration! She’s incredible!
> 
> Enjoy some more angst!

The Doctor allowed himself ten minutes to wallow in misery before he decided enough was enough. 

He had to get Rose back. 

What had he been thinking, sending her off like that? He’d been terrified for her safety… but he’d also been a bloody idiot to think he had to sacrifice millions of lives to save her. She was brilliant, his Rose! She saved _everyone_. She’d saved _him_ , so many times.

He needed her; he couldn’t exist without her. 

Less than an hour without her and he was a blubbering mess. She made him better, she made him believe that he was more than just the killer of his own kind, and their last few months of being

properly together had made him happier than he’d been in over 900 years. She’d said it: they were stronger together. Why hadn’t he just _listened_? 

_Stupid, stupid Time Lord!_ He’d just suffered the worst 40 minutes of his entire existence all because he couldn’t pull his head out of his arse long enough to trust in the incredible, fierce, _amazing_ human that had claimed his hearts. He refused to waste any more time without her. 

He pulled on his fresh suit, shirt, and tie and hopped down the corridor, battling with his trainers and socks the entire way to the console room. He set the familiar coordinates, giving Rose an hour or so after he left to get herself together. When the TARDIS landed with a soft _thump_ in the familiar courtyard outside Bucknall House, he bounded out the door. 

He rushed up the stairs to number 48, pounding on the door. “Rose! Jackie! _Anyone_? It’s the Doctor. I need to talk to Rose!” 

He got no response. Furrowing his brow, he pulled out the sonic and did a quick scan for human life signatures. Nothing in the flat, although he did detect a marine life form bubbling happily in fresh, clean water. Jackie must have gotten a fish. And she must have taken Rose for chips or something, because they were most definitely not in the flat. 

The Doctor muttered a Gallifreyan curse, flicking through the settings on the sonic until he found the one for basic 21st century locks. He aimed it at the lock, activated it, and went to turn the doorknob. 

It wouldn’t open. 

“ _What?_ ” he exclaimed. He flipped to another setting and scanned the door again, only to find that it was deadlock sealed. “ _What?_ ” he repeated, even more incredulously than before. Where on 21st Century Earth had Jackie managed to find a deadlock seal for her doorknob? 

“Blimey,” he muttered, running a hand through his hair, “this day just keeps getting better and better.” He leaned back against the railing, arms crossed over his chest, and settled in to wait. 

He was just finishing reciting US capitals in reverse alphabetical order when he finally sensed Rose approaching. The slight breeze carried her unique, beloved scent towards him. He took a deep breath, eyes closed, letting the scent calm his racing hearts and soothe his frayed nerves before opening his eyes and gazing at his love. 

His love who was currently gaping at him, open-mouthed, like he was the last person she ever expected to find loitering outside her flat. _Well_ , he supposed he had been rather firm with her. Final. He couldn’t blame her for being shocked. 

“ _Rose_ ,” he breathed out her name like the sacred word it was, pushing off the railing and reaching out to grasp onto her. 

She took a step back, eyes flashing angrily. “What the _hell_ are you doing here?” 

The Doctor stared at her. “ _What?_ ” he exclaimed for the third time in less than an hour. “What do you mean? I’m here to bring you back to the TARDIS! I made a stupid, stupid mistake in not talking to you, of not trusting in you. Please, I need you! I can’t do this without you... ” 

Her face flushed with anger. “So what? Now it’s all about you? What about what _I_ want? What _I_ need? I have exams, Doctor! I can’t just up and leave with my ex-boyfriend who’s gonna swan off every time things get tough. Now excuse me,” she pushed past him, the heavy satchel on her back walloping him, “I have to go study.” 

“Study?” the Doctor repeated, rubbing his sore arm. “Exams? Rose, what are you talking about?” 

With an exasperated huff, she unlocked the door to the flat and he followed her in before she could close it. She dropped her satchel (he could now see was full of textbooks. That would account for how sore his arm was...) onto the floor and, keeping her back to him, hung up her coat. The Doctor gasped. It had been difficult to tell when she was wearing that heavy jacket, but she seemed much too thin. She looked like she had dropped an entire stone, weight she could ill afford to lose. But how could she have lost a stone in…? 

“Rose,” he asked tentatively, “how long was I gone?” 

Her shoulders stiffened and she still didn't turn to face him. "Three months, Doctor." Her words were strained. "You dumped me here _three_ months ago."

"What?" His hearts were clamouring in his chest, and the enormity of her revelation settled in his ears. Hesitantly, he grasped her arms and turned her toward him. 

Before he could say anything, she looked up at him with cold detachment and spoke again. "Actually, it's probably for the best you showed up now. Any earlier and I would have come running back to you like a lovesick schoolgirl."

"Rose, you can't mean that! Please! I came back here to apologize. I barely lasted thirty minutes! _I need you!_ Please come back to the TARDIS.” 

“Are you mental? Absolutely not. I’m staying right here.” 

"I know I'm a rubbish driver, I’m sorry!” he insisted. “But I _know_ I can make this right. I can make it up to you. Anywhere, any _when_ you want, it’s yours! We’ll go off to the stars, just like always, and in a few days this'll all be a bad memory."

“And I’m just supposed to, what... pretend this never happened? You don’t get it.” She shrugged his hands off her and fixed him in a glare that rivaled his at his most Oncoming-Stormiest. “It’s all so easy for you, what’s a few months here and there, eh? But you _weren’t here_ , Doctor. You didn’t live it with me. And you can’t take it back! I _can’t_ let you do this to me again! What happens the next time you have to choose between me and the universe and you get scared all over again? Drop me off with my mum once more?” 

“No, of course not! You honestly think I could ever let you go again?” 

“You did once! What’s to stop you from doing it again?” 

“Because! I bloody lo-” 

Rose choked out a sob as she pressed her hand firmly against his mouth. “No! You don’t get to say that! Not now! Not after everything that’s happened! _You’ve no idea_ what I’ve been through the last three months! And now, I’m _finally_ getting my life back together and there’s no way I’m letting you tear me apart again!” 

“Mmmf mm emfff!” he muttered against her palm, finally pulling it away from his mouth in irritation. “You’ve got to trust me, Rose! Isn’t that what you mad humans are always going on about? Trust?” 

“Yeah, well, this mad human trusted you once,” her eyes blazed with anger, but her voice was like shards of ice piercing his hearts, “and look where it got me? You know what, you should go. Mum’ll be home soon and you’re _really_ not her favorite person right now. Can‘t imagine why.” 

“Rose,” he breathed. “Please, listen to me... ” 

“Just get out.” 

“Rose... ” 

“I said _get out_!” She advanced toward him, shoving him back through the door. She slammed it behind him and he heard the soft snick of the ridiculously advanced lock shutting him out completely. 

He stood there, gaping at the slab of dead, painted tree that stood between himself and Rose. He should just leave. Maybe it was for the best. It was what she wanted after all, and he could never deny her anything. He certainly didn’t deserve her, he’d always thought so, and it was part of why he’d held himself back for so long. He thought he could be content just _being_ with her for the rest of her life. Being able to touch her, to hold her hand, and travel with her… it was more than he _ever_ thought he could have. Then when he’d _finally_ let go and let things happen between them… _blimey_ it had been perfect. He hadn’t felt happiness like that in all of his existence. 

Still, in the back of his mind, he supposed he’d just been waiting for the other shoe to drop… for the universe to yet again steal away everything he held dear. He’d pushed it away, tried to ignore it… With those thoughts haunting the darkest recesses of his stupid head, it was no wonder even the slightest hint of danger sent him into a blind panic. It was irrational, and he, with his massive cerebral cortex, should have been able to control his responses. 

He was a massive, first-class, bloody idiot and he truly didn’t deserve to have Rose Tyler in his life. 

He pressed his forehead to the cool wood, eyes screwed shut as he gathered the strength to leave Rose behind once again, when a small, forlorn sound coming from inside the flat stopped him. He put an ear against the door and heard it again; the unmistakable sound of her sobs from the other side. He leaned heavily against the door, palm flat against the smooth surface, wanting nothing more than to burst into the flat and take her into his arms, promising he would never again be the cause of her tears. 

How could he possibly leave, when everything in the universe that ever made him happy was within his grasp yet again? 

In that moment, he vowed to do everything in his power to win her back. He would show her she could trust him, and he _would_ make her happy again. 

The only problem was... he had no clue where to even begin. 

“Suppose I’ll do what any normal bloke would do in this situation,” he said to himself, pulling out his mobile and typing out a text, sent two copies. “Call my best mates. Well, the closest thing I have to best mates. _Well_... best I can do in a pinch anyway.” 

****** 

The Doctor was sitting in a booth in a nearby pub a few hours later, nursing a pint of ale when two familiar faces walked through the door and scanned the crowd for him. He stood and raised his hand in greeting. 

He could tell the moment Jack Harkness caught sight of him. The man’s jaw tightened, his posture turned rigid, and his eyes narrowed. Mickey saw him next and immediately lunged forward to cross the room, when Jack grabbed him by the collar and tugged him back, muttering something the Doctor couldn’t hear over the din of the crowd. 

_Well_ , he thought to himself. _Suppose that confirms how_ they _feel about me. Quite right, too_ , he added morosely. 

Their matching sour expressions and defensive postures never wavering, Mickey and Jack began to weave determinedly across the crowded room towards the booth. The Doctor had just opened his mouth to greet them when Mickey's fist unexpectedly came in contact with his jaw. 

"Owwww!" He whined into the stunned silence of the room. The crowd backed away from their table. He fixed his gaze on Mickey. "Blimey, couldn't give a guy a warning?" 

He saw the barkeep out of the corner of his eye, rushing over at the commotion. "Is there gonna be a problem here, mates?" the large, solid man asked, using his arms to put as much distance between the Doctor and Mickey as possible. 

"Oh, no, absolutely no trouble at all. I'm positive I deserved it," the Doctor responded, working his jaw and making sure nothing was out of place. "Nice to see you too, Mickey."

The barkeep glared at the three of them. "Any more trouble, and you're out of here, got it?"

"Understood, sir," Jack replied, giving the man a charming smile and a casual salute. "Won't happen again."

Once the barkeep was safely back behind the bar and the crowd was ignoring them once more, Mickey wasted no time in laying into him. "You've got a pair on you, showing up like this after three months with no word. Rose was a _wreck_ after you left. She wouldn't eat anything for weeks. Had to take her to hospital to get an IV, she was so dehydrated."

The Doctor bowed his head, his hearts cracking upon hearing about the months that he’d missed. "It hasn't been that long for me."

"That's no excuse, Doctor," Jack said. "You crushed her. Give me one reason not to regenerate you right here."

"Because I love her!" he told them. "I love her more than I've loved anything in almost a thousand years, all right? She's everything to me, and I couldn’t live with myself knowing that I hurt her and didn't make it right."

“You’ve loved her for _ages_ ,” Mickey countered. 

“Even back when you were broody and Byronic,” Jack continued. “With the leather and those sad blue eyes, you loved her with everything you had.” 

“And you still sent her away.” 

“ _Twice_ now.” 

“I’m quite aware of the mistakes I’ve made with Rose,” the Doctor snapped. “I don’t need the reminders. Great big brain in here, plenty of space for memories, especially the bad ones.” 

Mickey narrowed his eyes at him. “You don’t do that to someone you love, you bloody wanker! You don’t just up and leave them. You’re supposed to face things together and be a team and all that stuff they’re always going on about on _Eastenders_.” 

“Since when do you watch _Eastenders?_ ” the Doctor asked with a smirk. 

“Since Jackie Tyler and I would sit on the sofa for hours at a time while Rose cried herself to sleep,” Mickey shot back. 

The Doctor slumped back in the booth, feeling properly chastised. “Fair enough.” 

He was incredibly grateful that their server chose that moment to appear and distracted Mickey from his tirade. The Doctor declined a second pint, still having over half of his left, but Mickey and Jack each ordered one. He took it as a good sign; the fact that they’d ordered drinks meant they planned to stay, maybe even to hear him out. The Doctor tried to collect his thoughts as they ordered, but all he could picture was Rose, crying in her pink bedroom, refusing meals, sitting in a hospital bed with needles and tubes sticking out of her arms... 

"I just… I just want her to be happy," he finally conceded after their server had left. "But _we_ were happy, truly we were. I can't just let that go. I'll do anything she wants. I'll leave and never come back, if it comes to that. I just need her to talk to me first. But I need your help."

Jack glared at him. "You swear? You'll leave if she tells you to?” 

“After she lets me talk to her? Yes. I swear.” 

Jack and Mickey looked at each other and seemed to be silently communicating, all eyebrows and odd gestures. _Captain Cheesecake and Mickey Mouse. When had they gotten so close?_ he wondered before the sharp reminder that they’d had much more time to spend together than he’d originally thought punched him in the gut once again. 

Once they seemed to come to a decision, Mickey turned to him. “Okay. We’ll do what we can to help.” 

“But Rose is our top priority,” Jack interjected. “So, we reserve the right to change our minds. If, at any point, we find out that you’re not proving that you are 10,000% devoted to her, we will toss you into the TARDIS brig and let Rose pick your destination... agreed?” 

The Doctor's breath rushed out in a relieved _whoosh_ and he felt some of the tension in his shoulders relax. “Fair enough,” he agreed. “Now... what do I do first?” 

Mickey and Jack exchanged another glance. 

“If there’s one person on this whole planet that Rose trusts more than anyone, it’s her mother,” Mickey told him. 

“Oh, no. No, no, no, no!” 

Mickey shrugged and began scooting out of the booth. “I guess we’re wasting our time then, if Rose doesn’t mean that much to you...” 

Panic surged through the Doctor. “No, no, no, hold on just a minute, Mickey Smith! I’ll have you know that Rose is… _well_...” He floundered a bit, pushing his fingers through his hair. “I can’t even find the words, she’s just that good,” he sighed. “She’s… _blimey_ , she’s everything, isn’t she?” 

Mickey fixed him with another glare before offering a slight nod. He sat back down and took a satisfied swig of his pint, “Well, if you want _any_ hope of winning her back, you’re going to need Jackie Tyler on your side.” 

The Doctor leaned back into the vinyl booth and scrubbed his hands over his face. “Fan-bloody-tastic,” he muttered before signaling their server for another pint. He’d faced down some of the most dangerous creatures in all of time and space, had dined with royalty, and saved the very planet they were currently occupying on more occasions than he could count. There was no reason a petite, blonde, 40-year-old woman from London should have his nerves in this much of a twist. 

He was _not_ intimidated by Jackie Tyler. 

He gulped back the fresh pint in front of him, hoping that by repeating those words over and over again he might start to believe it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor suffers a BIT more because let’s face it... he deserves it!
> 
> TenRoseForeverandEver churned out this beta because she is lovely and wonderful and patient even when I make the same mistakes over and over again! She deserves all the kudos!

“Rose is so pretty, isn’t she?”

Mickey huffed, one arm under the Doctor’s shoulder, Jack mirroring his position on the other side. The mad alien had scoffed down several more pints even before Jack started chanting, “Shots shots shots shots!” and they had switched to tequila. Not particularly liking tequila, Mickey had stopped after a couple of rounds, and Jack had some kind of futuristic alcohol tolerance (or maybe he was just Jack), but for all the Doctor’s bragging about his “superior biology,” he was the only one who had lost most of the function in his legs and his unstoppable gob was even more unstoppable than usual. 

“Yeah, boss, real pretty,” Mickey grunted as he and Jack continued to lug the Doctor toward the TARDIS.

“With that _hair_ , and those _eyes_! That _smile_! Like the sunrise on Aurelia IV, it is. And she’s _brilliant_ , don’t you think?” he continued. “She’s always been brilliant. She swung on that chain (remember Mickity-Mick?) and saved my life. And I mucked it up.” Mickey grimaced as the Doctor’s eyes filled with tears, his chin started quivering, and he began to sob. “Oh, _Rose_!”

“This is all your fault,” Mickey snapped at Jack. “We shouldn’t have started on tequila shots.”

“I thought he would just metabolize it!” Jack argued back. “How was I supposed to know he was actually _trying_ to get this wasted?”

“I miss her so much, Jack!” the Doctor wailed, burying his face in Jack’s shoulder. “I miss her _smile_ , I miss her _smell_! It was like flowers and tea and vanilla... and _blimey_ I miss the _sex_!”

“Oi!” Mickey exclaimed. “Stop right there!”

“Are you kidding me?!” Jack grinned. “Let him talk!”

“I’m a Time Lord; I shouldn’t miss the sex!” he slurred. “I shouldn’t have kissed her, shouldn’t have fallen in love with her. Time Lords don’t do this! But _Rose_... ”

“We know.” Mickey couldn’t resist rolling his eyes at the Doctor’s overly emotional display. The TARDIS was now in view, they just needed to get him inside and in bed. Did he even _have_ a bed? “Come on, just a bit further now.”

“She’s the one, y’know?” he murmured as he leaned heavily on Jack. “900 years and I never thought I’d find the one, but she’s it. She’s beauty and she’s grace... she’s Miss... no wait hold on, that’s Miss United States.” He let out a sigh. “She is though, she’s _everything_... ” 

The Doctor was silent for half a second before he went limp between them and a loud snore escaped his lips.

Mickey sighed and fixed Jack in a glare. “If Rose _ever_ finds out about this, I’m blaming you.”

******

The Doctor groaned as he grappled towards consciousness, a blinding headache throbbing behind his eyes. He tried to recall the events that had led him to such misery, but everything after his second pint seemed to blur in his frankly magnificent brain and it only hurt his head more to try and bring those memories into focus. Instead, he simply cracked his eyes and took in his surroundings. 

He was stretched across the jump seat, his trainers, jacket, and tie removed and resting on a nearby coral strut. His mouth felt like it was stuffed with cotton and tasted even worse. His stomach rolled unpleasantly and the room began to spin as he attempted to sit up, so he decided it was much better to remain horizontal until he could gather enough sense to metabolize the ethanol still buzzing through his system and drag himself to the galley to rehydrate.

He was just debating the merits of staying exactly where he was for the remainder of the day when a loud banging on the door of his ship hammered through his skull and made his stomach lurch again. He groaned and covered his eyes, fully intending to ignore whoever was being so inconsiderate of his hungover state. 

Then a voice accompanied the noise.

“I know you’re in there, Doctor!” the shrill, yet familiar shriek of Jackie Tyler called from the other side of the door. “I swear to God, if you don’t open this bleedin’ door, I will slap you so hard that your next body will still feel it!”

He groaned again and forced himself out of the jump seat. Once the room stopped spinning, he shuffled over to the door and opened it, attempting to give Jackie his patented Oncoming Storm glare. When she didn’t even blink, he questioned whether or not it was successful.

“You’ve got some nerve!” Jackie started in on him before he could even open his mouth. “Three months of _nothing_ and you think you can just waltz back in and ruin Rose’s life all over again? I don’t bloody think so!”

The Doctor sighed. “Good morning, Jackie. Won’t you come in?”

Jackie glared at him before shoving past him, through the wooden doors At the top of the ramp, she wheeled around, turning the full force of her fury back on him. “Rose was a wreck without you, do you know that? She wouldn’t eat or drink for _days_ , kept waking up from nightmares, screaming for you. We couldn’t do a thing for her.”

He dragged his hands down his face, his shoulders slumping when he pulled his hands away to look her in the eye.. “I swear, Jackie, it’s only been a day for me. I tried to land the same day I dropped her off, but the TARDIS... _well_... she had other ideas.”

“Well I never thought I’d say it, but your ship is brilliant. If you’d come back any sooner, Rose would have jumped right back into your arms no questions asked.”

“Oi! And what would have been wrong with that?”

Jackie shot him a glare and he snapped his mouth shut as she continued her tirade. “But now... she’s back in school, doing her A-levels, seeing her friends again, starting to smile... She’s getting her life back!”

The Doctor scowled at the ceiling of his ship. “It would seem the TARDIS was trying to prove a point. Bloody interfering thing. Though, what the point would be, exactly...”

Jackie gave him a withering look as he trailed off.

“What?”

She crossed her arms over her chest and simply stood there, staring at him expectantly. Did she assume he would just _know_ instantly what made his ship decide he should take three months to return. It should have been easy, a quick jump to only an hour past his last set of coordinates. Instead, his ship had waited until Rose was well on her way to being completely over him, building a life and settling in and getting along swimmingly without him. Why would his ship do something so hurtful?

The telepathic equivalent of an eye roll swept through his mind, a nice little communication from said ship.

Blimey, she and Jackie could have been the same person in that moment.

He frowned, the cogs turning sluggishly in his massive, alcohol-fogged brain. Maybe they had more in common than he thought. He’d noticed his ship’s clear preference for Rose, even after she had absorbed the TARDIS’s heart and saved the universe from a Dalek invasion. The temperature in any given room would always be just perfect for a human, Rose’s favorite biscuits were always in the cupboard, and Rose’s ensuite never seemed to run out of hot water like his did. Perhaps, just like Jackie, the TARDIS only wanted what was best for Rose as well… and perhaps what was best for her was learning she could live a life without him.

Additionally, it served the dual purpose of teaching him a very firm lesson: that Rose didn’t _need_ him, and he ought to have been bloody grateful that this amazing woman _wanted_ him.

“Ah,” he said out loud as comprehension dawned on him. “I suppose… as it were… that is, _as such…”_

“Yes?” Jackie prompted.

“ _Well_ ,” he drawled, “I suppose it wouldn’t be out of line to say my dear ship was not only trying to prove a point, but she was trying to teach me a lesson as well.”

“Too bloody right! Now you’re getting it! We girls gotta stick together after all, don’t we?” Jackie said with an affectionate tone to her voice.

He gaped at her in disbelief. Jackie had never, not _once_ shown any kind of affection towards his ship. The opposite, if he was being honest. It was just further proof that all of the women in his life were ganging up to make him miserable.

He sighed and pressed the heels of his hands against his forehead. “Jackie, I hate to break this up, but I could _murder_ a cup of tea. Would you join me?”

Jackie stared at him for a moment. “Hang on, what’s the matter with you? You don’t look so good.”

“Well spotted,” he grumbled. “I’m afraid I may have… _overindulged_ at the pub last night with Jack and Mickey.”

“What were you doing out with Jack and Mickey? They’re just as angry with you as I am, you know. But they’ve been absolute saints with Rose. I don’t know where she’d be today without them. Mickey stayed with her every day after work, and Jack installed that ridiculous lock on our door to help her feel safe.”

“I’m well aware of how important they were to her in my absence, thank you,” he snapped. He opted not to continue when Jackie raised an eyebrow at him. That simple gesture was somehow even more threatening than her promise to slap him into his next regeneration. “Sorry, Jackie, I just… can we talk over some tea? Please?”

She seemed to consider his request carefully, not relaxing her defensive posture even as she let out a wary, “Yeah, all right,” and followed him through the ship to the galley.

He busied himself making the tea, setting the old-fashioned copper kettle to boil and measuring out the leaves of a blend he remembered Rose picking up for her mother on one of their trips. Jackie was disturbingly silent as he worked, but he could feel her critical gaze on him the entire time he went through the whole tea-making ritual.

“How do you take it?” he broke the silence.

“Two sugars, thanks,” Jackie replied. “Smells good.”

“Hmm,” he murmured in acknowledgement as he prepped both mugs, dissolving a powdered, tasteless electrolyte supplement into his to help get rid of the worst of the hangover. He set Jackie’s in front of her and sat down across the table, taking an appreciative sip and humming as the warmth of the drink soothed his frazzled nerves.

“Better?” she asked as she took a sip of her own drink. “Blimey, that’s good. Hang on, isn’t that…?”

“The one Rose brought back from the Blang Asteroid Bazaar? The very same. She told me how much you liked it.”

“And you remembered?”

He shrugged. “I’m a genius, Jackie, I remember a lot of things.”

She snorted, but something in her posture relaxed as she surveyed him carefully. “It’s really only been a day for you?”

“Yes.”

“It took you half an hour to come back for her?”

“I wish it had been sooner,” he admitted, rubbing a hand over his face. “I should never have told her to leave in the first place. I just…” He searched for the right words to try and explain to Jackie what an idiot he’d been. “I’ve never cared for _anyone_ the way I care about Rose. I panicked when she was in danger and I realized how much I would be willing to risk to ensure her safety. The universe be damned!” He let his head fall forward, his hands gripping into his hair as he fought through those awful memories. “She was right, completely right. I shut her out. I ran scared and wouldn’t even talk to her.” 

He blew out a breath and leaned back in his chair. “I’m rubbish at this, Jackie. But I’m willing to work for it. For her. I love her, and I _need_ her. I want to spend every day of the rest of her life making her happier than the day before. But...” he trailed off with a deep sigh, buying time with a sip of tea while he carefully considered his next words. “...not unless that will make her happy. I just want a fair chance to talk to her and let her decide for herself.”

“And what if she decides she’s better off without you?”

He swallowed back the lump in his throat that he words had caused. “Then I’ll go. I’ll let her live her life and I’ll stay as far away from this time period as I can. But not until I exhaust all of my options... and asking for your help is one of them. She won’t see me or speak to me…”

“Well, can you blame her?”

He tugged at his ear. “Not at all. But you know her better than anyone, Jackie. She trusts you above anyone else, and I won’t get anywhere without your help. Please…” He drifted off, staring down at his mug when Jackie’s hand reached out to cover his.

“You’re _really_ asking for my help?”

He looked up and met her gaze. Her blue eyes were so different from Rose’s but her expression of compassion and empathy was so familiar. She studied him for several moments before patting his hand with a sort of parental affection. “Tell you what, Doctor… drink your tea, take a shower and change into something that doesn’t smell like it’s been used to mop the pub floor, and come up to the flat. Rose is in class for a few hours yet, and you may as well make yourself useful.”

“What do you mean by _that_?”

Jackie gave him a small smile as she stood up from the table. “Washing machine’s been on the fritz and the maintenance man hasn’t got a clue. Now that I know you’re not swanning off, I’m putting you to work! Half an hour, Doctor! Don’t worry, I’ll see myself out!”

Stunned into silence, he watched Jackie breeze out of the room.

******

He made it to the Tyler flat promptly, feeling much more like his usual self after his   
invigorating cup of tea and a hot shower that had rather effectively released some of the tension in his muscles. The moment she opened the door to him, Jackie began nattering on about how the machine wasn’t draining the water properly and her clothes were coming out completely soaked. She showed him to the kitchen, directed him to the machine, and then left him with an absentminded wave. A scant few minutes later that the sound of _Eastenders_ assaulted his ears.

He heaved out a sigh, but reminded himself that he was doing this for Rose. With her name in his head like a mantra, he crouched down in front of the infernal machine and began tinkering.

Focused as he was on the task, several hours passed before he vaguely registered the door opening and familiar scent wafting towards him. He took a deep breath, the scent immediately calming his hearts as the burst of dopamine in his brain caused a warm feeling of contentment to wash over him.

Rose might hate him, she might never want to see him again, but she was _here_ , in his presence, and for now, it was enough.

“Mum!” he heard her call. “I’m home! Do we have any crisps in? I’m _starv..._ ” He heard her voice trail off from the direction of the kitchen doorway, and even though he didn’t look up from his task, he knew he was found out.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

He turned his head from where it was lying on the floor and gave her his best smile. “Hello, Rose, I was just…”

“This is flat-out stalking.” Rose fixed him in that patented Tyler glare, crossing her arms over her chest. “What will it take to get through your thick skull that I want _nothing_ to do with whatever it is you’re trying to do?”

“I’m not trying to do anything! Honestly,” he argued. “Your mother asked me to look at the washing machine and that’s all I’m doing.”

“You expect me to believe that? What the hell do you take me for? A stupid ape?”

“Doctor!” Jackie’s voice wafted into the kitchen. “You’ve been at it for hours now, do you need some tea? Biscuits? Oh, Rose, you’re back! How were your classes?”

Rose gaped at her mother as she came into view. “You mean… you _let_ him in here?”

“Well, it’s not like he’s going anywhere, is it? Might as well make himself useful. Now then, both of you… cup of tea?”

Rose’s mouth fell open as her head whipped between himself and Jackie, scrutinizing them both through narrowed eyes. It was several moments before she addressed her mother directly. “I have to study; I’m going to my room. Come find me when _he_ leaves.”

She turned on her heel and he winced at the sound of her bedroom door slamming shut moments later, and the faint _snick_ of her lock turning, shutting both of them out.

The Doctor sat up and sucked in a breath through his nose, letting his forehead fall forward onto his knees. His hearts ached in his chest. Not only had he caused Rose additional pain, but he hadn’t been allowed to take her in his arms and comfort her like he so desperately wanted.

“Well… that could have gone better,” Jackie said. He heard the distinct sound of her slippers against the linoleum as she joined him by the washing machine.

“Maybe… maybe I should just go, Jackie,” he said after raising his head up and resting his chin on his hands. “This was a mistake.” 

“Now, you listen to me, Doctor,” Jackie said vehemently. “You and I both know that Rose is no stranger to saying and doing things in anger that she’s regretted later. What did you expect, that she’d see you again and jump right back into your arms?”

“Weeell… I suppose not…” 

“She’s _hurt_ , and confused, but she just needs _time_. If you can give her that, I really think things will get better down the line.”

“Really? You think so?”

“I do, you plum,” she replied, ruffling his hair affectionately. “Now, come on, how about that cup of tea before you put my washing machine back together? Tomorrow, you can start on the bathroom sink!”

He cracked a small smile before untangling his long limbs and slowly rising to his feet. “Sounds brilliant, Jackie. Just brilliant.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are finally looking up!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies for this taking so long! The muse for this story left me high and dry. Many thanks to TenRoseForeverandEver for making this chapter NOT sound like every word was pulling teeth to get on paper.
> 
> Thank you for all the love so far! Hopefully the lovely Birthday Girl will have a completed story by 2021 😂

For a nine-hundred year old being, the weeks usually felt as though they passed in the blink of an eye. The passage of time held an entirely different meaning to someone who, not only had a lifespan that would far exceed a human’s, but who also wasn’t accustomed to experiencing time in a linear fashion, living a life, day after day. And yet, every day for two weeks, the Doctor would head up to Jackie’s after Rose had left for classes or work and set about fixing various little issues around the flat, upgrade her appliances, or simply relax on the sofa with a cup of tea while reruns of _Eastenders_ played on the telly. 

And every day, Rose would come home, take one look at him, huff angrily, and slam her door shut so hard that it finally broke on the sixteenth day after his return.

Jackie was out at the shops when it had happened, and the Doctor simply continued to fiddle with the electric tea kettle. He heard Rose swear colorfully as she tried several different levels of force to get the door to stay closed. He heard a final huff, followed by her stomping footsteps coming to rest in the kitchen doorway. She cleared her throat and he glanced up to find her glaring at him with her hands on her hips. “My bedroom door won’t close.”

“Ah,” he replied, tucking his own hands into his pockets as he turned to fully face her. “Would you like me to come take a look at it?”

“No,” she snapped. “I just wanted to let you know that it is _not_ an invitation.”

“Right.”

“I have studying to do.”

“Of course.”

“And I can’t stand the sight of you.”

“Wouldn’t expect you to.”

Rose’s eyes narrowed even further. “Good. So we’re clear.”

“Crystal.”

Rose huffed once again and turned on her heel, stomping back towards her bedroom. The Doctor heard the door slam, and then creak dejectedly in defeat when the latch failed to catch. 

He sighed and turned back to the project at hand, but found himself unable to focus on the task; he was still a bit flustered from their brief interaction. Rose had gone out of her way to avoid him over the last two weeks, and he honestly didn’t blame her for hating him. But for him, as a touch telepath, having his other half within arm's reach and not being able to experience skin-on-skin contact with her was something akin to torture. It was excruciating not being able to hold her, to kiss her, to even share his feelings; much more difficult than he had ever thought it could be

He was fighting his instincts and trying to be as unobtrusive as possible. He knew he had to give Rose the space she needed, but two weeks without so much as a _smile_ from her was sorely testing his resolve and it took every last ounce of his self-control not to rush into her bedroom and beg for her to come back to him.

“Hello!” Jackie’s voice carried in from the doorway, interrupting his train of thoughts. “Rose? Doctor? Anyone home? Could use a hand with the shopping…”

Given how distracted he was, it wasn’t difficult for the Doctor to pull his attention away from the kettle and move into the entryway. “Rose is studying, Jackie. I’ll help.”

“Thanks, love,” she replied, handing him the heavier of the shopping bags as she led them into the kitchen. “Just stopped by to drop this off, I have to run back out for my nail appointment. How’s the kettle coming along?”

“Oh, it’s brilliant! Come tomorrow your water will boil in half the time! Fastest cup of tea you’ve ever had!”

“So long as you don’t blow up my kitchen,” Jackie retorted good-naturedly. “Again.”

He turned back to her with a grin and was about to respond when the sound of Rose’s footsteps trudged down the hall.

“Mum,” she said, completely ignoring the Doctor, “could you call the maintenance team? The latch on my bedroom door is broken.”

“You know it will take them a week to get to us, sweetheart. Why don’t you just have the Doctor look at it?”

Rose’s gaze slid over to him, eyes narrowing. “Can’t we tell them it’s an emergency?”

“They never think a locking door is an emergency,” Jackie explained as she puttered around, putting away some of the cold items in the refrigerator. “So long as it’s inside the flat, anyway.”

“I’m happy to take a look, Rose,” the Doctor told her, his voice quiet.

“‘S fine,” she said quickly. “I’ll deal until they can get here.”

“All right,” Jackie told her breezily. “I’ll call when I get home. I’m off again. Behave yourselves while I’m gone.” She glared pointedly at her daughter, but Rose just rolled her eyes and turned back towards her bedroom. Jackie squeezed the Doctor’s arm and gave him a sympathetic look before she left the flat. 

The Doctor returned to his work, but it didn’t take long for him to finish tinkering with the electric tea kettle, and when he finally put the little gadget back together, he found himself, for the first time in two weeks, at a loss for what to do.

He was in the middle of a thorough examination of the dryer’s lint trap when his superior hearing picked up a deep sigh from Rose’s room, then the creak of her door opening and her soft footfalls as she made her way into the kitchen for the third time that day. His breath caught as she came into view. Her posture and expression were both guarded, but… _softer_ than he’d seen directed at him in over two weeks.

“Doctor,” she said, her tone slow and measured, “would you mind terribly trying to fix my door?”

He felt his lips stretch into his first genuine smile since well before he’d forced her out the TARDIS doors. The weight that had settled in his chest at her absence lifted slightly, and his breathing became just a tiny bit easier. She was _acknowledging_ his existence, she was _asking_ for his help, and this was something small he could do to make her life a little better.

“Of course, Rose.” He willed himself not to sound too eager as he pushed off the floor and followed her to her room. She plopped down at her desk, the surface of which was covered in various papers, a few opened textbooks, highlighters, and pencils. She stuck a pair of earbuds in her ears and became engrossed in her schoolwork again, a clear sign that he was not invited to speak to her in any way. Heaving a sigh and ignoring the unpleasant churning in his gut at her blatant rejection, he pulled his sonic out and began examining her broken doorknob. He discovered rather quickly that it was indeed the latch that wasn’t functioning, but sadly he would have to take the entire doorknob apart to examine the inner mechanisms in order to determine if it was actually fixable.

And if it bought him a few extra moments in Rose’s presence, _well_ , that was just a delightful bonus.

His enormous brain allowed him a lot of perks, one of which was the ability to focus on several different things at once. As he was dismantling and examining the various metal bits and bobs before him, he was also listening closely to Rose for any signs that she was distressed about his proximity. Thankfully, she seemed to be fully focused on her homework, and though her heart rate was elevated slightly and he detected the slight tang of cortisol in the air, she seemed alright. It wasn’t until about fifteen minutes in that her pencil scribbling became more agitated, her erasing more furious, and little sounds of frustration escaped her lips as she swept a hand through her hair.

He tried his best to allow her space until she threw an expensive looking calculator against the wall.

“Oh, come on!” he teased, falling effortlessly into their usual banter. “What did that little bit of archaic technology ever do to you?”

Rose sighed. “Sorry, I just…” She hesitated for a moment, inspecting him with a wary, but otherwise unreadable expression before something in her eyes softened, barely perceptible, but softened nonetheless. “These equations. It sort of made sense when my instructor went over it in class, but now that I’m home it’s no better than listening to you ramble about temporal physics. I can’t make heads or tails of it.”

He stood, brushing off his suit trousers before making his way to her desk, measuring his paces carefully, giving her time to tell him off if she wanted. He came up behind her and leaned over her shoulder, pulling his specs out of his jacket pocket and popping them on his face.

Rose tensed slightly, but did not tell him to back off.

Bolstered a bit by her reaction, he peered at the worksheet on the desk and grinned. “Redox reactions! You’re taking chemistry?”

“Intro to biology,” she replied, “But we’re doing a chapter on the chemistry of biology, and I can’t get this bloody thing to balance.”

“Hmmm…” he murmured, inspecting the numbers and letters that were handwritten across the page. Rose had copied the equations from the textbook into her notebook, but seemed to be stuck on the very first one. It took him about half a second to notice her mistake. “Common problem here, you need two half reactions, one oxidation and one reduction, to make a full reaction. Two halves make a whole. Simple enough fix, really…”

He leaned a little further over her shoulder and took one of her pencils in hand, sketching out a diagram that looked like two sides of a scale so that she could see the equation becoming balanced. Rose nodded, the motion rustling her hair and sending a whiff of her shampoo right into his nose.

It took every ounce of his incredible Time Lord self control not to fall to his knees at the scent.

“There you are,” he said, willing his voice not to sound too wobbly. “Now, try the next on your own.”

He put a little more distance between them and fought to keep the swimming in his head to a minimum as Rose balanced the next reaction, her teeth sinking into her plump bottom lip as she concentrated on scratching out the equation on paper. He purposefully looked away from her mouth, instead watching each step as she worked through the problem.

When she was finished, she turned to him, uncertainty in her eyes. “Well?”

He inspected her work, step by step, and turned to her with a wide grin. “Brilliant! I knew you’d get it!”

A smile blossomed across her face at his praise, lighting up every dark corner of his hearts once again, and the sight of it after over two weeks without was enough to send him reeling. 

He forced himself to step back, taking a seat on her bed, putting about a foot of space between them. It wasn’t much, but it was enough for his head to clear once again.

“So, biology, eh?” he asked, keeping his tone light and conversational. “Great choice. What else are you studying?”

“English and Psychology,” she replied, turning in her chair to face him.

“To what end?”

She gave him a shy smile. “Well, I was thinking about applying to uni to… become a teacher actually.”

Pride swelled in his chest. “A teacher? Really? Oh, Rose Tyler… you’d be a _wonderful_ teacher.”

Rose met his gaze. “You think?”

“ _Think_? Of course I don’t _think_. I _know_. Those kids would be lucky to have someone like you watching out for them.”

She grinned and ducked her head, obviously embarrassed but pleased with his praise. “Well, it’s a long way away. Two years to my A-levels, then three or four to get teaching credentials. I don’t even know what subject I want to focus on yet. Mum was just on me to get out of the house and start doing things again, y’know, after…”

“Yeah,” he said softly before briskly steering them away from the subject of him leaving her behind. “So, another five or six years, you say?”

“Probably. Why do you ask?”

“ _Well_ ,” he drawled. “Just trying to decide if I need a flat. Five years of running back and forth to the TARDIS doesn’t seem practical when I could keep everything in one central location. Don’t you think?”

“Yeah, right!” Rose laughed. “Like you could stay in one place for five years.”

He stared at her, the light but still slightly strained feeling in the room changing dramatically as he turned deadly serious. “Oh, Rose… one word from you, and I’d stay in place for a hundred years.”

Rose’s sweet, luminous smile faded, her expression shifting to disbelief. “Really?”

“Really,” he replied, fighting the urge to reach over and take her hand. He didn’t know if he’d earned that right back. “Wherever you want to be, that’s where I’ll be. I told you I’d never leave you behind again and I intend to keep that promise.”

Rose held his gaze for several moments, that unreadable expression back on her face as she studied him intensely. He stared right back, hoping that he could convey the absolute sincerity of his statement. When Rose didn’t say anything after several moments, he let out an awkward cough and stood up off the bed.

“ _Well_ ,” he told her, hand coming up to rub the back of his neck. “It seems that I _may_ have further damaged your doorknob.”

Rose glanced down at the mess on the floor and let out a giggle. Nothing could convince him that the sweet, melodic sound wasn’t the most incredible noise in the universe. “I suppose you have.”

“I’ll just pop down to the hardware store and get a new one. It’ll be installed and functioning tonight, no harm done.”

“No harm done,” Rose agreed. “Thanks, Doctor.”

“Of course,” he murmured, turning to leave Rose to her schoolwork. He stepped into the lounge and pulled his coat from the back of his usual chair. He was just putting his arms through the sleeves when Rose came out of her bedroom.

“Doctor,” there was a nervous waver in her voice, “d’you… do you think you’d be willing to help me with Biology again? Only it’s my most difficult class, and I really want to do well so I can get into a good uni program. ‘S pretty competitive from what my advisor told me…”

The Doctor forced his elation not to show too much, though he was positive at least a touch of it was shining through his eyes. “When?”

Rose let out a breath. “Tomorrow okay with you?”

“Tomorrow sounds _brilliant_ , Rose.”

“Good.”

“Yeah.”

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

Rose nodded at him and turned back to her bedroom, shutting the door as much as lack of a doorknob would allow, and the Doctor was fairly certain the moony expression on his face wouldn’t leave until at least the following day.

Things were finally, _finally_ , looking up.


End file.
